Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing

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(631): View more from New York

i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth

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(630): View more from Illinois

Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.

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(813): View more from Florida

One blow job doesn not make me gay.

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(415): View more from California

Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted

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(803): View more from South Carolina

He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.

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(214): View more from Texas

so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat

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(386): View more from Florida

I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?

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(248): View more from Michigan

Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.

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