If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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