if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
