Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
