Porn is love you can see.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize