I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
