and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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