i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
