I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
