I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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