I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
