So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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