Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
