Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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