Midget sex pt 2 tonight
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
