well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
