i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
