If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
