So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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