you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
