Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
