wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
