Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I could make wine with my vomit
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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