just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
