stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
