when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
