Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i think im in europe. pls send help
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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