I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize