yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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