i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
