You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
