PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
