8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
