Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
