Soap is not a condiment
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
