We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
