In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
