Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
