Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
