Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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