I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
