Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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