It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
