There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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