Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
