I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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