it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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