When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
