Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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