talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
